It’s weird somehow but for a long time you feel like you’re sleepwalking through life, like everything is not a dream walking, but rather a grey blur (and not gray, trust me, this one requires the e) and everything, like emotions are cold and distant things and everything is a cold and distant thing. Like what Woody Allen was talking about before when he named Annie Hall with the original name Adhedonia. That the world seems to leave passion behind and it’s just like it’s not even there anymore, like everything is coated with ghosts and haunted. But not scary gonna kill you for living in my house ghosts, just more like shades incorporeal things that can’t touch you, and the void is everywhere…
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
And then one day one thing happens or maybe it’s not one thing but all sorts of things, and everything is filled with light and color again. It’s like waking up and seeing everything again and again and again, bright and noisy and howling light, and it’s hard not to feel all of a sudden a new sort of passion waking up. It’s like, the world is back to normal again, the ghosts take on flesh and bone and flesh and you think, what has happened? Has anything changed at all, have you changed has the universe changed? Has some ping pong of atoms on the below the surface barely visible to microscope level caused this chain reaction and everything is everything again and not nothing again?
The hollow men the straw men catch fire and the light is like fireworks, maybe it’s like walking out of the cave and the puppets are burning and the sun is there and that’s the real sun, I don’t know. But it’s like- life again, and it’s like- autumn again, and it’s like it’s all here again. Whatever happened? Why analyze it? Why not? There is a fear in the mind that nestles underneath curled up grey matter that somehow this can happen again, that the color is sucked out and life falls back to being the way it was and you can only hope that it will be decades away, and not huddling around the corner waiting waiting