i’m a ghost & displaced & floating & gone & missing

everything is going to be gone again and everything is going to be changed again and soon, it’s like my house is emptying one piece of furniture at a time, my rooms become ghosts haunted by the memories that were there before, leaving nothing inside except just a lingering emotional core. & also & with it other things are changing too, seeing my kids less and less and less than i want to…

& things are splitting, moving, slow splitting that leaves severed roots like fingers on the ground

you know you sacrifice and you sacrifice and you try to change to make things new and bright. you try to make up, you try to atone for the hours of fighting and destruction, you try to get everything back up, and you think maybe if i cut off my fingers, maybe if i cut off my toes, maybe if i pry out my heart and my eyes and maybe my ribs and scatter them and then maybe then maybe something will change, everything will change. maybe my severed head on her table will make the sun rise again and set again and she’ll smile and some days will grow short or long or whatever and everything will be all right again

yet i can’t hate….i just can’t…i just keep trying, even though nothing is there but pain now and all pain like a ribcage full of brambles…& look there, there are kids running and shouting and screaming holding hands. Look at the sky now cloudful and then empty and sunful and then everything is empty again

i can just remember the way she smiled at the sound of my name and now everything is just her turning her back to me, walking away again slowly slowly walking away, her feet leaving trails of blood behind her from just her own wounds inside and deep down because i know i’m not the only one who is hurt, and i reach out, i reach out

maybe we’re all haunted maybe everything is haunted maybe ghosts are everywhere

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